Fish Faces Only a Fish Mama Could Love

Once, when I was in Alaska, I was casting into the surf, just to see if I could entice a passing salmon or two. I was delighted when I felt the undeniable pull of a fish and I quickly reeled up my prize onto the sandy beach. The thrill turned to shock when I got a good look at my bounty. If my over-active imagination serves me correctly (and it’s had several years to over-exaggerate the situation), when that fish looked up at me it’s gills flared out with razor fish spikes and countless whiskers protruded from the sides of it’s huge mouth. As that fish glared at me, the razors and whiskers waved around just daring me to retrieve my spendy lure. I’m also pretty sure it hissed at me. That single ocean surprise fish became a star character in some reoccurring nightmares.

This is the entry where I risk displaying my true feminine side by talking about the looks of certain fish. This of course could be a me thing and surely no one else out there is phased by the appearances of fish, but there are a few species that give me the heebie jeebies.  

I’m pretty sure my aversion to certain fish started at a young age. I believe I observed as a young thang,  that say, a sucker, was properly greeted by revulsion and dismissed with a mandatory rock or two…Please remember, that was back then, before being politically fish correct was the right thing to do. As for what to do with a sucker fish in this day and age. No comment.

It’s a lip thing. The slurping bottom sucking pucker that makes me recoil and cut my line before I’d attempt to go in for a fly retrieval– even IF it was a favorite fly.. (Girlie Alert!) Yep, that’s right, I have my limitations on the guyish bravado front and I draw the line at sucker fish. The few times I’ve accidentally caught one I was appalled and quite frankly embarrassed through my trout heart that such a slimball crashed my fishing party.

I’m pretty sure I can blame suckers for my aversion to the whitefish. It’s the lip thing again. Their small rounded little fish lips are a visual reminder of all things sucker fish and distinctively non-trout-like. My prejudice is irrational, but drawn around a solid circle factor.

Trout have good lips, nice smile, straight teeth. Just saying….

When I judge a fish by it’s looks, it’s not limited to just the lips. There’s the whisker issue to mention.  I’m not sure why or when I took a disliking to the fish with whiskers, but on the whole, I’d rather not. The way I see it, moving whiskers that give out a grabby tentacle vibe should be avoided if possible. Basically, you’ll never hear a catfish report out of me.

Now, just to be clear, a website is one place to confess all sorts of shortcomings.  However, when I’m out on the water and find myself in the unfortunate situation of having an undesirable at the end of my line, I do remain stoically composed. Solid pride dictates a calm demeanor, play it cool and zero involuntary dry heaving motions are allowed, especially in the presence of (male) witnesses. I would never, ever…..

Although, if for some reason this following fish were to end up at the end of my leader I’m fairly certain I would either
1) Faint…no…make that swoon
2) scream like a little boy or
3) retire from fishing and take up shuffle boarding

Happy Valentines Day Everyone~
Rebecca

Fishing: Once you go Bass, you never go back?

There is a dark and powerful influence out there trying to sway me to the big lure side of fishing. I’ve nicknamed this influence ”Darth Bass” because I’m certain he’s trying to convert me to the dark and warm water side of fishing. Now, in case anyone is worried, as I write this, I’m still holding strong to the fresh water world of fly fishing…I pledge allegiance to the trout………  

Darth Bass is actually Dennis Miller and he goes by the handle DTMSPINNER on twitter where the recuitment started. I would twitter something about trout and he would twitter back to me BASS, BASS, BASS. Evidence of such persuasive maneuvers can be found in his twitter stream, not to be mistaken for a trout stream………

For example:

Darth Bass didn’t stop at subliminal or blatant tweets either. I think he knew I would be a tough sell, a Luke Skywalker ambassador of the trout and fly fishing world. So he sent, via the snail mail, a package packed full of temptations and ‘whoa, what the hell do I do with these?’ that would motivate me to investigate the mysterious side of bass fishing.

Because I catch trout that are 8 inches long and one of the lures Darth Bass sent was an 8 inch long trout that looks amazingly real, I did what any trout purist would do…..I got on the phone with the only Bass Fishing Guru I know.

Terry Battisti is a bass fisherman and writer for several publications in the Bass arena. He’s also the only person I know with a bass boat, lives in Idaho and likes to talk fishing and writing at the same time with me.

When I explained my bewilderment over the lures and the attempt at bass fishing conversion by Dennis (Darth Bass) he assured me all would remain balanced in my world.

 Terry filled me in about  Huddleston Swimbaits (he likes them and has caught bass with them) and promised they were not likely, by touch alone, to possess my trout soul or corrupt my fly fishing heart, but instead might show me a new side of fishing in general. One that I might actually find fun and enjoyable…….(double gasp)

So plans are now made. Rebecca, the fly fishing, trout loving disciple will be going bass fishing with my new Huddleston Swimbaits (<~~link to their website) come April or May with Terry as my bass guide. I’ll go ahead and admit this now ~ Damnit Darth Bass, I think you got me, I’m excited to go Bass fishing now! Someone help me….

In the meantime, I did ask Terry one final and important question.

Me: “Umm, Terry, Dennis also sent me a Huddleston Shirt. I’m sure the symbol on the front is like the dark mark for bass fishing or something, but I really like the shirt. Do you think it would be blasphemy if I wore a Bass shirt while fly fishing for trout?”
Terry (laughing): “I have no doubt you could get away with it.”
Me: “Ok, good. I don’t want a pack of fly fisherman or bass fisherman after me for fuzzin up the lines.”

Rebecca

 

Guest Post: Salmon Fishing Showdown

~”Salmon Fishing Showdown” is written by my 14 year old daughter Kaitlyn. Enjoy!~

This was my first time salmon fishing. Robert and my Mom, Rebecca, kept chuckling when they looked at me, for I hadn’t stopped grinning since the moment they told me we were going salmon fishing.

I was imagining a leisurely fishing trip with the family, but I had no idea what was to come. All I knew, as I headed far into the mountains of Idaho, was that salmon fishing wasn’t going to be like fly fishing for trout, or sturgeon, crappie, blue gills, or any fish I have fished before.

Getting there felt like an eternity, I had to ask, “So, just how far back in the mountains is this place?” Robert, seemingly unsurprised by me asking that, simply answered, “Only about 40 miles more. It just seems longer because you have to go unreasonably slow on these mountainous roads.”  We finally got there and the first thing I asked was  “So, when are we gonna go fishing?”  “After we unpack,” they answered in unison.

“Ugh,” the sound escaped my mouth before I could stop it, resulting in me earning two glares. I hate unpacking, I would absolutely love trips if there wasn’t the whole packing and unpacking part. Thankfully it didn’t take too long.

They had to be joking. I stood there staring at the torrent of white water in front of me. Eventually, I turned to them, with a look of disbelief on my face and said, “I’m supposed to fish in that? You must be kidding! I doubt you could catch a fish in that water.” But they just said, “Trust us.” I probably wouldn’t have listened to them if there hadn’t been a line of people casting lines into the rapids.

Before I could join the line of people trying their luck fishing, I had to learn the Salmon Fishing System. The rules are pretty simple, and as long as you follow them other fishermen and women won’t get angry at you.

Salmon Fishing System:
     1. 1st come 1st serve. If you want a spot you have to be the first person on the river to claim it.
     2. Just because you got a spot one day doesn’t mean you get it the next day.
     3. And whatever you do, if you have a desirable spot, don’t leave it or else it may be gone by the time you go back to it.
     4. Stay in turn. This is a major one. If you don’t pay attention and stay in turn most people will skip you after 5 seconds. DO NOT GO OUT OF TURN, this is the difference between life and death. When you go out of turn you are casting over other people’s lines and will get them in a giant birds nest (knot). This tends to make most fishermen extremely angry.
     5. Yell “Fish On!” at the top of your lungs if you have a fish on the line. For fish go up and down river trying to get off the line. If you don’t yell it may tangle with other lines, making the other fishermen angry and resulting in you losing the fish.
     6. If someone yells fish on, reel in your line like there is no tomorrow. You never want to be responsible for a person losing their fish.

After mom explained this to me, we started heading down river to practice. When we got down far enough that they wouldn’t count us into the group, I was shown the drift I wanted to catch. It took me awhile to get the hang of casting the new reel I had gotten just for this, but when I did, my mom and I started working our way back up to the group. Eventually we were a part of the action and I had been introduced to many of the people on the river.

They were all incredibly nice and patient for the newcomer, and were constantly giving me tips, even if some of them contradicted themselves. One even offered to let me use some of his pre-tied baits. Eventually I felt a sharp tug on my line. I yanked with all my might, the fish stayed on the line.

“Fish on!!!” I hollered to the people around me. Everyone started reeling as fast as their reels would let them. After a long tough fight, I got the fish to the shore. The disappointing part was that it was native wild salmon so we had to take it out of the net and let it go really fast. But I was still ecstatic. I was bursting with pride and joy that I had actually caught a fish. Many people had been fishing for days and not even had a bite. As we quickly set my beloved slimy salmon in the water to let it go, congratulations coming from all directions, I knew I was instantly hooked on salmon fishing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get another fish to the shore the rest of the trip. Though I still had loads of fun with my new fishing friends.

During this trip I learned many lessons, and was reminded of many, too.. The biggest lesson was to wait my turn. If you don’t wait while in the line you can infuriate many people by casting over and tangling their lines. Another lesson, is to pay attention and not slack off because if you do, you may miss your chance. You may never get another chance like it, and you‘ll never know what would have come out of it.

Kaitlyn

Sturgeon Fishing, Mental Tenacity Required

I know what people think when I tell them I live in Idaho. Visions of potato farms and cow tipping swirl in a cloud of presumption above their heads. Outsider minds will probably throw in a four door diesel truck with a large rifle duct tapped to the back window along with a ‘I heart Pres. Bush’ bumper sticker plus his and her name emblems on each side window. Is that about right? Be honest beyond Idaho border dwellers…..

Today I thought I’d enhance the vision and give you dinosaurs as well. Recently I discovered free time on my hands and the Hubs and I opted to go fishing. We flipped a coin which means if I win, we go flyfishing, if he wins, we go bait (ack) fishing.

He won.

Cue the Snake River and the all mighty Sturgeon fish. There’s a huge difference between flyfishing in a softly moving river for trout, size 12 to 20 inches vs. taking on the black swirling vortex of potential death called the Snake River and all that lives out in those evil waters. Hooking a 9 foot monster sturgeon that becomes instantly and irrationally pissed is on a level that does not coincide with the tranquility of say…..”A River Runs through It” ……

When you catch one it’s instant buckle down and hold on for your life. You strap on a hip belt so the end of the pole doesn’t, in a females case, crush an ovary or puncture a uterus and in the case of men, they strap on the belt so they can still claim fully intact Male after the ordeal.

I’ll admit……It isn’t even a pleasant time, not in a ‘I derived pure joy’ sort of way. Sure we have the first 5 minutes of excitement, the initial call out, “Fish On” usually followed by an impressive set of sturgeon aerial stunt work, but after a few minutes it becomes a test of strength and mental will power. Fighting a 200 lb fish that is using the current to it’s advantage makes for numb hands and jello arms. It’s pure pain actually.

After 15, 20, 30 minutes of that sort of fun, the experience (and back pain) reminds me of childbirth. I have no idea what men compare the experience to…..a 40 minute episode on the throne in the bathroom?? Anyway, I become silent and focused. I can hear people encouraging me along, but all I really want is a safe cozy blanket and some apple juice. It becomes, she who talks first, loses all sense of sanity and cries Uncle. But, the last thing I would ever, ever, do, is admit defeat to the male egos around me who constantly ask if I’m doing ok…. No freakin way. I’d let the pole and fish rip my arms out and sacrifice them both to the river Gods before I asked for relief or help. No stubborn pride in me, nope, none…….

The finale, and fisherman are stubborn about this, is once the fish is at the bank and wore out, the exhausted fisherman is forced to relinquish their pole to another and slide their hand inside the Dinosaurs mouth for a quick picture and release. If you don’t do this official rite of passage your entire torture experience is null and void. You’ll get zero credit for pain and suffering. Fisherman’s rules.(Men must come up with these notions)

So after giving birth to this monster (actually getting it to the bank) I climbed down the rocks and attempted to perform the obligatory tasks. Well, let me tell ya, I put my hand in that vile toothless mouth (task and credit complete, yay me), started to flip it over and that fish had the audacity to beat the crap out of me before a good picture could be taken. Instantly soaked through and through.

Good times, good times………

~Rebecca