November 2009

~Gather 'Round~

A few nights ago, my parents and I were discussing some of the tragic and hilarious outdoor trips we’ve taken with “risks’ in the past. A ‘risk’ is defined by someone you’ve never camped, fished, hiked, hunted or broke bread in the dirt with in. So basically, everyone reading this would be considered a ‘risk’ just as I would be a ‘risk’ (safe of course) if you invited me along for one of your trips. It’s all about the unknown factor.

On the whole, ’risks’ are freakin scary (insert proper horror movie music here) to invite and bring along for the first outdoor trip. ~You just don’t know~ In my experience, the person that seems like the most sane and level headed human inside a city house can morph into a frothing lunatic under the influence of outdoor air and campfire smoke. I have witnessed and survived such mystical transformations.

I’ll probably even tell some of those stories here on Zee Outdooress. But not today, today I wanted to focus on a thought process I started while talking to my parents. What if there was a general disclosure form one could present to potential risks before you purchased propane or hot dogs? Something you could say, “hey before we head to the great blue sky, I’d like you to answer this quick little questionnaire” ~  (it may be advisable to hook them up to a lie detector while they answer) For Example:

True or False~

• I only camp where they have running toilets, outhouses are unsanitary and bushes for the uncivilized.
• I am allergic to one or more of the following—campfire smoke, bugs, rain, pitch darkness, wood gathering, tent erecting, camp set up or dismantling, doing dishes, or direct sunlight.
• I can not camp in a spot that might harbor the occasional wild animal
• I think fishing should only be from the safety of a dock with rails
• A campfire should have a safety grate on top of it
• I adhere to the old ways when you didn’t need a fishing or hunting license to take fish or game.
• A hike in the woods can only be attempted with a GPS unit, bear spray and a satellite phone
• I only Fly Fish with paid guides
• If it’s not a Government campground, a KOA or run by the electric company and have hook up’s and a concrete pad—it’s not a “real” campground.
• Does this statement apply to you, “When I was growing up, my family and I went camping all the time, at Grandmas cabin.”
• If you are of the female persuasion ~ Do you feel it necessary to put makeup on and wash your hair every morning you are camping, even if it’s just a weekend trip?
• I have found myself in need of search and rescue one or more times in my life.
• I believe bringing two cans of Chili and a package of hotdogs is plenty of food for 3 days.
• Temperatures dipping below 60 degrees, day or night, will result in a hypothermia induced coma.
• If the road isn’t paved the entire way, from home doorstep to concrete camping pad, I consider the journey impassable and a risk to life itself.

**if you have answered true to one or more of the above, we will need to postpone our trip pending further outdoor psychological evaluation**

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This of course, is just a start. I’m sure there are plenty more scenarios that could be placed on the disclosure questionnaire. I’m always open to suggestions, adjustments and amendments ~

Rebecca

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